Kinder Ground
A campaign for a kinder society
KinderGround
Common ground, free from toxic behaviour, online, in our communities and where we live. Come in, breathe, and practise the opposite.
01 · The noise
This is what outside sounds like.
Mockery, pile-ons, rumours, shaming. It comes through the phone, the group chat, the office and the street. Most of us carry it around without noticing.
Indonesia's rank in Microsoft's 2020 Digital Civility Index, near the bottom. In the words of a Jakarta Post editorial, unchecked bullying and harassment leave many people afraid to speak up. Source
02 · Why the noise wins
Negativity travels faster.
This isn't a feeling. It's measured. Anger and contempt spread further than kindness, and one bad moment outweighs many good ones. That's why the positive way takes more effort.
more shares for every moral-emotional word, like outrage or disgust, in a post. From a study of 563,312 posts.
Brady et al., PNAS 2017higher odds of being shared for every word attacking the other side. From over 2.7 million posts.
Rathje et al., PNAS 2021Stable couples keep about five positive moments for every negative one in conflict. Bad simply weighs more than good.
Gottman; Baumeister et al., 2001One harsh word can cancel five kind ones. So kindness has to be deliberate, repeated and patient. The noise needs no effort. The light does.
03 · The roots
It starts inside us.
Most toxic words don't start with the words. They start with something we feel and don't look at: jealousy, an old wound, a hunger for drama, and pressure, especially when the economy is hard. Pull the root and the words stop growing. These can be trained, like a muscle.
Jealousy
Looks likeMocking someone's win, finding a flaw in their success, flexing back.
UnderneathComparison. The feeling of being left behind.
In a study of 584 Facebook users, scrolling others' lives without taking part raised envy, and envy lowered life satisfaction. Krasnova et al., 2013
How to train it- Notice the sting, and say it plainly: I feel jealous.
- Read it as information. What they have is something you want. That's a goal, not an enemy.
- Congratulate them, out loud. Being glad for others gets easier every time you do it.
- Scroll less, make more. Envy grows when you only watch.
Our own wounds
Looks likeOverreacting, attacking first, sarcasm as armour.
UnderneathOld pain, shame or rejection, touched by something new. Hurt people often hurt people.
Putting a feeling into words calmed the brain's alarm centre, the amygdala, in a UCLA brain-imaging study. Lieberman et al., 2007
How to train it- Before you reply, ask: is this about them, or about something old in me?
- Name the feeling in one word. Naming it lowers the alarm.
- Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend who is hurting.
- If the wound is deep, don't carry it alone. Talk to someone you trust or a professional.
Drama seeking
Looks likeStirring, forwarding gossip, rage bait, steering opinion to bring someone down for personal reasons, watching fights for fun.
UnderneathBoredom, feeling unseen, wanting status or a reaction.
Across eight studies in the United States, people who felt pushed aside and hungry for status were more likely to share hostile rumours, wanting to "burn it all down". Petersen et al., APSR 2023
How to train it- Ask: what am I getting from this? Attention, excitement, belonging?
- Starve it. No need to comment or forward. Just mute the thread.
- Get clear and find the truth. Cut the bad.
- Get the same need met better: make something, call a friend, join a cause.
- Give your energy to something that will still matter next year.
Pressure
Looks likeA short fuse, blaming a whole group, sharper envy, doomscrolling late into the night.
UnderneathMoney worries, fear for your job, the feeling that the ground is moving. In Indonesia, 32,389 workers were recorded as laid off in the first half of 2026, and that's only the cases that were reported.
Scarcity taxes the mind's bandwidth: worry about money leaves less room for patience and makes us more impulsive. Mullainathan and Shafir, Scarcity · Kemnaker, 2026
How to train it- Remember it's the pressure talking, not who you are. Stress shrinks everyone's patience.
- When the worry is loud, hold off on posting, replying or deciding anything big. Sleep on it.
- Point the anger at the problem, not at the people near you or at a whole group.
- Share what you can: a job lead, a skill, a meal. Hard times are when kindness counts most.
A quick check-in. Something just stung you. What's underneath?
Name the feeling in one word.
04 · The opposite
Every toxic habit has an opposite.
The opposite of cancel culture is appreciation culture. The opposite of a pile-on is someone standing with you. Turn each card to the light.
05 · The pulse
Before you reply, breathe once.
06 · The pause
The space between typing and sending.
When Twitter asked people to reconsider an offensive reply before sending it, about 3 in 10 revised or deleted it, and afterwards they were a little less likely to write another offensive reply. A pause works. Practise it here.
Figures from Twitter's 2022 study of prompts shown before offensive replies. Source
07 · Stand up
Not a bystander. An upstander.
Online, in the group chat, at work. Three moments you will meet. Standing up is not excusing: if someone is wrong, correct the mistake, don't destroy the person. What do you do?
Research on harassment on social media found people step in when they see it as urgent, feel responsible, know how to use the reporting tools and believe reporting helps. Feeling anonymous makes them more willing. Source
08 · Your circle
Guard your peace. Help with the rest.
You can't fix the whole internet, the economy or what's in other people's heads. You can choose what reaches you, how you answer and where your energy goes. Focus on what you can control. For what you can't, support and help where you can.
Yours to choose
- What I post and share
- How I reply, or whether I reply at all
- Who and what I follow
- How long I scroll
- Saying sorry when I am wrong
- Who I thank today
Start here. This circle grows the more you practise.
Still within reach
- Other people’s opinions→ Listen, then answer with your own good example.
- The algorithm→ Retrain your feed: like, share and save what lifts people up.
- The economy and prices→ Pass on job leads, buy from small local makers, check in on friends.
- Disasters and injustice far away→ Donate through trusted groups, share reliable sources.
- Someone else’s life choices→ Offer help, then respect their decision.
- The endless news cycle→ Stay informed in small doses, act where you can.
Not everything can be turned positive. And that’s okay.
Some people, accounts and situations are beyond your control and won’t change because you are kind. Keeping your distance from what keeps hurting you is not failure, and it isn’t hate. It is how you look after yourself, so you have energy left for what you can help.
For what leaves you anxious, envious or always comparing. They may have done nothing wrong. You just need a break.
- Mute accounts or keywords.
- Hide their stories and posts.
- Limit screen time at the hours that hit hardest.
For what keeps draining you: repeated drama, people who always belittle you.
- Restrict the account.
- Leave the group chat that only brings drama.
- See them less, and stop explaining yourself over and over.
For threats, harassment, manipulation, extortion or sharing your private details.
- Save the evidence first: screenshots, links, times.
- Block, then report to the platform.
- Tell someone you trust.
- If there are threats, report them to the authorities.
Speak up. Don’t judge the quiet.
This is the era of raising issues, and that is a good thing. But silence online is not always indifference.
- Some are still learning before they speak.
- Some are grieving, tired or overwhelmed.
- Some stay quiet for their safety or their job.
- Some help quietly, offline, with no post.
- Some simply aren’t on social media.
Invite, don’t force. Nobody has to prove they care with a post. And silence isn’t always agreement. If you can help, help in your own way.
Drop the grudge. Keep the lesson.
Grudges and revenge feel like justice, but they keep the wound open. Make forgiving, apologising and talking it out calmly a habit.
- Forgive, even if you don’t forget. Forgiving is not excusing.
- Apologise first, and without “but”.
- Talk it through in private, calmly: “I felt hurt when…”
- If you need to, choose distance, not revenge.
09 · Honest positivity
Kind doesn’t mean always positive.
Kinder Ground is not an invitation to pretend to be happy. Sadness, anger, disappointment and fear are valid. Toxic positivity is when words that sound kind make people feel their feelings are wrong. Real kindness is honest, listens, and makes room.
Criticism isn’t toxic.
Criticising policies, power or injustice is not toxic behaviour. Anger at injustice is natural, even necessary. What isn’t okay is attacking, belittling and destroying the person. Kindness must never be used to tell people to be quiet.
- Feeling guilty for being sad.
- Hiding problems to look fine.
- Rushing to cheer someone up before really listening.
- Treating anger as always wrong.
10 · The culture we want
Create. Help. Appreciate.
One small act of each, every day. They change daily, and your ticks stay on this device. No points, no ranking, no audience.
11 · It comes back
Good is slower. It returns.
The reward for kindness is rarely instant. But it travels. In a Harvard and UC San Diego study, one act of generosity was passed on by the people who received it, then by the people they met, three steps out, and in total it was tripled.
You · then 3 · then 9 · then 27
Fowler and Christakis, PNAS 2010Every tradition already knew.
Long before the studies, our faiths and our elders said the same thing: what you send out finds its way back to you.
Islam
“So whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it, and whoever does an atom’s weight of evil will see it.”
Qur’an, Az-Zalzalah 99:7–8Protestant Christianity
“Whatever one sows, that will he also reap. And let us not grow weary of doing good.”
Galatians 6:7–9Catholicism
“Give, and it will be given to you. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”
Luke 6:38Hinduism
Karmaphala: every act bears its fruit. Tat Twam Asi: I am you, and you are me. To hurt another is to hurt yourself.
Panca Sradha and Hindu ethicsBuddhism
“If one speaks or acts with a pure mind, happiness follows like a shadow that never leaves.”
Dhammapada 2Confucianism
“What you do not wish for yourself, do not do to others.”
Analects 15:24Ngunduh wohing pakarti
You will harvest the fruit of your own deeds. The Javanese elders’ way of saying it: nothing you do is lost.
Javanese proverbGotong royong
Working together, and weighing other people’s feelings as your own. The opposite of toxic was already ours.
Shared Indonesian valueThe science
Kindness spreads too, only more slowly. Every good act you start can reach people you will never meet.
Social contagion researchScripture quotes are shortened from standard English translations. If something isn’t quite right, please tell the writer.
12 · Pledge
I choose to be free from toxic behaviour. I will pause before I react, understand before I judge, start a culture of appreciation, and spread kindness.
The writer is still learning to practise it too, every day.
Your name and pledge date are kept on your device. If you tick the wall, your name is also stored in HoM Haute’s shop system so it can be shown. Want it removed, or see a name that isn’t theirs or isn’t appropriate? Send HoM Haute a DM on Instagram @homhaute.
The pledge wall
Then, find your kindness style.
Eight kindness styles, one card to share. Invite your friends to find theirs.
If someone is in danger, call 112. Report abuse with the platform's own report button; it is anonymous. If what you carry is heavier than a quiet place can hold, talk to someone you trust or a professional.
Kinder Ground · homhaute.comKinder Ground is made by HoM Haute. The writer is not a psychologist or an official body, and is still learning to practise all of this every day.